I'm a codfish!

Captain Hook Hates The Young'uns.

2008-10-27T01:58:47Z

Dear Cast, Crew and (non)Creative Team Behind The Abhorrently Bad Series Known As High School Musical,

For the love of fucking Jesus Christ, please stop making these terrible films which are an insult to all that is talented and creative in the show business world. Your "high school" stars are a lot of unattractive, unrealistic, unsympathetic, untalented lackies who are only famous because of mass marketing to stupid under-twelves who wouldn't know actual tasteful cinema if it shat on their heads and waved at them.

If I see Zachary Efron's face on anything else, I will vomit and I will send it to your headquarters in an envelope.

Go fuck yourselves,
Nigel Fuller

************************

Jesus CHRIST, what is happening to this world?

Captain Hook and October

2008-10-09T01:12:58Z

Does anyone else think that October should be the name of the eighth month in the year? I mean, it's got "oct" in it for fuck's sake.

Captain Hook is disinclined to acquiesce your request.

2008-09-20T01:52:49Z

Oh, it's "speak like a pirate day", is it?

Captain Hook is ironic.

2008-07-28T20:30:18Z

Shia LaBeouf was in a car accident. DUI. Smashed himself up pretty good and managed to hurt his friend and someone in another vehicle.

And the whole time I was reading about it, I was thinking, "You know what would make this better? If he had crashed into a transformer."

Captain Hook is displeased.

2008-07-15T01:40:44Z

What the fuck kind of fucking name is Knox?

Angelina. STOP WITH THE KIDS. Please. The names you choose are shit. You've already adopted half of the world and now you've had twins. So do me a favour. Give someone else a bloody chance to adopt a child, would you please? Jesus Christ.

Storylines;

2008-06-18T23:57:29Z

The One I Love [open] Although Nigel has a few (read: a lot of) problems committing to anyone for long, this is someone that he is drawn to time and time again. He can't quite put his finger on it, but there is something special about this man. If anyone has the potential for getting Nigel to fall in love, it's him.

Shiny Happy People [rakshathefierce; bringmeherheart; many openings] Nigel's various friends. They each make him smile in their own, unique ways. He often goes out shopping and bar-hopping with them and they get into a lot of shenanigans. Without them, he'd be a much more emo Captain.

Losing My Religion [reserved for Smee] This is Nigel's best friend. He is the go-to person for whenever Nigel needs a lift or a shoulder to cry on. They get into a lot of fun trouble together and their chemistry is great. Nigel says they would date if they weren't so bloody close.

Everybody Hurts [puppeteeress; many openings] Much like the Shiny Happy People, these are people that Nigel spends a lot of time with. However, they fall more into the category of 'drinking buddies'. They are close with Nigel in a helpful, supportive way and he's less likely to go out partying with them.

I'll Take The Rain [biggestbear; many openings] Not surprisingly, Hook has many enemies. These be them. For whatever reason, these people bother, irk and otherwise rub Nigel the wrong way. Heaven help them if they're famous for, if they are, they'll be in his columns all the time.

Suspicion [reserved for Peter Pan] Of all his enemies, this is the one he dislikes the most. For very obvious reasons. He cannot resist trying to find ways to undo him/her, even though his revenge schemes are pretty childish and stupid. He also fears this person greatly and has been known to protect his hands whenever he/she is nearby. He's happy to have both hands this life, thanks.

Character Meme;

2008-06-17T07:46:57Z

Name Nigel Anderson Fuller.
Responds to Nigel; Nig.
Residency London, England.
Status Single.
Profession Journalist for The Daily Mail.
Family Mum and Dad. I was adopted. I suppose I could have more family, but as I don't know them, they don't matter.

Birthdate October 16th, 1973.
Height Six foot two.
Weight 180 lbs.
Eyes/Hair Brown and brown.
Scent Probably like tea cos I drink it all the time.
Defining Marks Tattoos on my chest and arms.
Languages English.

Likes Pirates; Writing; Fancy clothes; Beaches; Swimming; Cats; Music.
Dislikes Bossiness; Children; Being interrupted; People who are no fun.
Hobbies Writing; Going to parties; Shopping; Swimming.

Favourite;
Book Treasure Island.
Movie Pirates of the Caribbean. The first one mainly.
Colour Black.
Website perezhilton.com is amusing.
Place On the tubes. I adore riding the tubes.
Scent Incense.
Poison Absinthe...Is that what you mean?

Captain Hook & The Incredible Hulk

2008-06-17T02:06:39Z

So, I saw The Incredible Hulk this week-end. And, while I liked the film, there was one thing that troubled me. Why the bloody hell, when he turns into the big, green monster, do his pants stay on? Stretchy waists would not matter when you grow as bloody big as he did!

I was distracted by this throughout the whole movie. I know it doesn't matter, really. But, realistically, he would've been a large, green, naked Hulk. And, as he was Edward Norton, that would not have been so bad.

That said, Robert Downey Jr. at the end was like snow on Christmas.